I Know You Know Who I Am - Peter Kispert

Peter Kispert’s first collection of short stories is a profoundly affecting exploration of the ways we humans lie to one another, and ourselves, in pursuit of meaningful connections with others.

Kispert’s collection of stories centres on queer characters who have lied, obfuscated and deceived in their pursuit of love. He doesn’t glorify this behaviour but explores the psychological effect of maintaining such elaborations, in some cases in everyday settings, and in others, slightly terrifying near-future dystopia.

I Know You Know Who I Am tells the story of Ian, who, in an effort to change his partner’s perception of him as a liar, pays a stranger to be his made-up friend, Finn. I felt for Ian as he desperately attempted to cling onto his boyfriend, trying to conjure his lies into truth.

In Aim For The Heart, Kispert tells the story of Troy, who must kill a deer after lying to his boyfriend Neil about being an avid hunter. His struggle with shooting the deer to prove himself to be the type of person he believes his boyfriend Neil wants him to be is tied to his experiences as a young man, feeling lesser than, less masculine, and his experience with gun death.

Breathing Underwater brilliantly details how lying about something as seemingly insignificant as being able to dive proficiently can have disastrous consequences.

Rorschach imagines a world in which death row inmates play the role of Jesus in live theatrical reenactments of the Crucifixion. The story follows a character attempting to make his friend, Noah, fall in love with him by allowing himself to be psychoanalysed by him, so desperate is the protagonist to keep his friendship.

The themes explored are fascinating, to me at least. Growing up as a gay person requires us to learn to defend ourselves in ways that straight people don’t have to consider; lying about ourselves, or covering up elements of ourselves, or creating information to hide the truth can become the norm. Kispert explores how this can then have negative connotations through the rest of our lives, and he does so brilliantly. I long for a novel from Kispert which follows similar themes and has the space to explore his characters in much more detail.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

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